Monday, November 29, 2004

Sanjeev Kapoor Tandoor

This weekend I was mostly indoors and in front of the tube. The pick of
weekend television was an ad (or should I say infomercial) about a tandoor grill so revolutionary that Sanjeev Kapoor chose to lend it his name, calling it the Sanjeev Kapoor Tandoor. This revolutionary tandoor has a sloping plate with ridges to let the oil flow out into a tray. The tray is of course thoughtfully included with the product. The ad featured Mr. Kapoor himself giving a demo to a soap opera queen and a live audience of about fifty people who had come to witness the miracle first hand.

When I tuned in, a 32 year old software engineer was telling the audience about how he had considered buying a treadmill due to growing fitness concerns. Luckily for him, someone recommended the Sanjeev Kapoor Tandoor instead. So now, instead of working out on an expensive
treadmill, he keeps fit by having his fill of lip smacking oil-free delicacies grilled in the Sanjeev Kapoor Tandoor. Wow! Fitness equipment manufacturers are doomed.

The demo continued with oil being squeezed out of various grilled items in the tandoor. The soap queen displays the glass of extracted oil to the audience. A horrified mother, clutches her son and asks the opera queen if her son was actually ingesting all that oil. The opera queen
grimly answers in the affirmative but quickly reassures the petrified mother that the horror has come to an end. The twit she was clutching on to adds, "Didn't I tell you that oil is bad, mom?". For some reason the audience laughs out loud at this.

Next, Mr. Kapoor offers some aloo tikki grilled on the tandoor to the soap opera queen. She nibbles and says "Yeh achha *nahi* hai ....". This my friends is one of the most delicate moments of suspense witnessed on television. The lively audience suddenly goes "Huhhhh!?!" and there are puzzled looks all round the studio. People shrug their shoulders and stare into each other open mouthed, seeking an explanation. My heart too skipped a beat as she continued "... yeh to *bahut* achha hai." The audience let out a collective sigh of relief and broke into spontaneous applause. From the looks of the audience during these vital seconds, I suspect the woman would have been lynched if she had prolonged the suspense. It would have been a sad end to Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Whatever Thi. I shudder at the thought of a parallel universe where the lynching would actually have taken place.

After everything was back in control, Mr. Kapoor roasted a chicken leg and showed yet another cup of oil to the audience. He picked a sardar from the audience to taste his masterpiece. One bite and the sardar was overcome with emotion. He joyously declared that he hadn't tasted stuff like that since he left Ludhiana. At this point I couldn't take the emotional stress any more. Wiping my tears I switched to Cartoon Network where the Powerpuff girls were saving Townsville from Mojo Jojo.


Rallix said...

Well I am sure you have seen other masterpiece infomercials -
1. "Shree Yantra" - scene from Mahabharata, Pandavas cribbing that they are going through a bad phase.. Krishna appears and says use shree yantra. Another scene - man cribbing that work is going bad etc.. then I bought shree yantra and cracked it - another scene uoset father saying son was not paying attention at school/college, was indulging in "wrong things" etc, bought Shree yantra and cracked it. What is Shree Yantra? well its a plastic (or is it glass or is it crystal or is it something else?) construction that looks like an Aztec Pyramid - claim is that when light passes through it, it gives out "divya kiran" which in turn cracks your life. [Divya Kiran - entry not available on wikipedia. Not to be mixed with woman named Divya or batchmate named Kiran. Apparently means "divine rays of light" or something]
2. Specific Female Body part enlarger/enhancer - shan't go into details. Binu you might want to enlarge, err elaborate on this.
3. The ultimate is one surd family talking in tamil about some "lazy walker" or something - Surd looking like he suffers from tapeworms or something and pretending to be very healthy and happy - meanwhile surd's wife looks like a keen follower of aforementioned soap with stomach that jiggles during demos of the "lazy walker"

I think thats the top three.

pani said...

Over here, can't beat the "Girls Gone Wild" $9.99
Order now and get Spring Break Cancun free when you pay with your credit card What with all the stars on the tee-tees

sudeep said...

Whaddup Binu kaka ? :-D

U sound like u r doing good.. Ur fascination with Jhee TV is still alive and kicking I see :-)

binux said...

What's up? Drop me a mail on my gmail account: binuks.

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